Tesla - X: Auto as Performance Art

Tesla - Profile

In Beijing, the land of conspicuous consumerism, I was introduced to the Tesla-X.  The prominent tri-star of the M-B, Benzes if you need prompting, is understood as symbol of having made it, the thunderbird logo “T” of Tesla is rare.  The cachet of owning and displaying this auto will achieve the silent envy of those munchkins measuring.  In a nation where the gold interlocking CC’s of fake Chanel are a very weak signal of success, and the tri star of the Benz has become more common the “T” is still a rarity and not yet copied.  As a potential measure of my host’s attempt to disprove their class conscious symbol, the car was in a non-descript, KGB, black.  Suitable to prove they were not attempting a conspicuous display of wealth.  I am not convinced, but then, I tend to be a skeptic about good intentions.  Still, consider that the “X” of the name refers to excess.

As a concept, an electric car in our age of climate change concerns has great merit.  Elon Musk deserves much credit for the bravado and energy to challenge the automobile establishment with a new vision.  I can even excuse the Tesla-X as an effective marketing tool and business model. The “X” makes a statement.  The challenge of making a statement is that not everyone agrees.  For me, the “X” misses the point of a car, but then, fortunately for Musk, I am not the target audience of the “X”.

I did not enter the car as an auto critic, but I am a bit of a car guy and realized after a few minutes that the drive needed some commentary.  At home, I have an SUV, a two year old Honda Pilot, the latest of decades of owning SUV’s.  The choice of SUV has always been practical; “Schlepping.” Kids, household goods, sporting gear, etc. It was my daily driver too. 

The car I entered was wonderfullyappointed.   It was clearly luxury.  Soft leather seats, as soft as a baby’sbehind, as my Mom would say.  Two colorupholstery, beige and black.  I didn’t noticethe stiffness, some reviews do complain, but I was comfortable in the backrow.  Oh yes, I didn’t get a chance todrive the car, because, as was befitting my host, they have a full time driver whohad control of the keys and would not relinquish them.  Honestly, even if I were allowed, driving inBeijing is not a challenge I would accept. Summed up succinctly, the only rule is that no one follows rules.  It is mass chaos.  Autos follow some rules, but motor scooters,bicycles and other motorized vehicles ride in all directions, even on thesidewalk. 

The “X” has a large amount of glassto help the driver see all around as scooters come at him from the front, rearand sides.  The front window rises nearly1/3 up the roof.  Structures are designedwith glass to take advantage of the sun’s heating.  Alas, in Beijing in April, not the hottestmonth, the car heated up from the sun, like a greenhouse.  Cooling down with a little A/C would begreat, but that does limit the range, which I read is nearly 300 miles.  So we fiddled with the windows to cool thecar down.  I am not sure when during theheat of the summer, the driver would put on the A/C?

The designers of the “X” didthemselves well with the interior.  Somereviews complained about poor fit, which I didn’t notice.  I was overwhelmed by the gentle relaxedcurves, the chrome trim and recessed handles in the interior.   In the daylight, it did take a minute tolocate the door handles to exit the car. 

Smack in the middle of the dash isa display larger than my laptop.  Thespecs say 17 inches, but it seems bigger. A bit contradictory to have this overwhelming display far belowsightlines to distract be the driver from the road.  Yet, it is large and has braggingrights.  With all that display space,road maps are quite readable, street are separated, and if given time thedriver can trace the route with his finger. Save, attention should be on the road. If only the passenger could tilt the screen away from the driver andplay games. 

Gull Wing

Finally, and most luxurious are therear passenger “gull wing doors.”  Theseare such an iconic element from an earlier 50’s MB, they deserveattention.  Save for their totalimpracticality.  As the attendantapproached the car to open the door, our driver warned him away, since as thedoors open from the bottom up, he would have been knocked off his feet.  Then when they close, sensors alert if peopleare near and they do not close. 

For me Tesla “X” for excessivedesign is not extraordinary.  For thoseinterested in a statement rather than a practical car, the “X” may be forthem.  The car specs, 0-60 in 3 secondsor so, is impressive.   For my citybound, Beijing host, there is no time during any 24 hours where they could findenough lonely road to accelerate. 

So, the next day we were off to theadjacent province, a long highway ride and a few days away from Beijing.  As they pulled up, I noticed a familiartri-star, a MB 500 SUV.  A conventionalgas powered car, with a range and capacity for long distance schlepping

The “X” designers have created the statussymbol for the future.  Completing withthe newly created SUV’s of the ultra, high end brands, the “X” stands as theelectric, non-polluting futuristic vehicle. With great flair for design, it is one step ahead for the conspicuousconsumer who can flaunt it’s excess without care of cost. 

Unfortunately, there is the well documented virtually inextinguishable fires caused by Tesla’s lithium batteries.  Accelerated by accidents, or even igniting in a parking lot, the batteries burn so hot that the best option is to allow them to just burn themselves out.  Up in unextinguishable flames, a fitting ending to a car designed for excess.